Thoughts

It seems that I am always in a state of renovation, whether I realize it or not. Sometime I pray for a pure heart, while finding myself in the middle of a purification process. "No, this is not how it is supposed to go", I tell myself and I attempt a rationalization of the pain. It is usually someone else or something else that is the problem, not me. But then, after the long struggle, I feel like Jacob, struggling with the angel in the dream until he is paralyzed. I had no idea how hard following my Savior would be and how much death I would have to incur. I had no idea how much I was in need of salvation and how bad off I was and still am. My sins still surprise me greatly, but in that moment, my actions once dripping with guilt, self-righteousness and pride are made clean by His love.

Grace is defined by many theologians as "unmerited favor." An older friend once questioned, "if it is unmerited, what is merited favor? What do we have that is merited favor in God's eyes?" I would agree. I think now I would define grace as the ability to be capable in incapability. Without love from above, all that I do and all that I am is but a form and function without connection. Because of His love, I am able to do in a form that connects with my function.

So, in this connection process, I continually find myself "coaching" or teaching people. How do you teach kids a skill and goal of life or a game, without strings attached? How do you communicate His grace through laws without merited favor? Is merited favor simply a default tendency of humanity?