Love Your Enemies III

My greatest enemy is myself…

It is I who embarrasses my-self the most. It is I who is the hardest to forgive, or never to forgive at all. It is I who is the worse person to live with. Knowing my own depravity, my own inadequacies and inabilities are far too great to handle. I would much rather be with someone else and talk with them, fellowship with them, than live with myself. I am not talking about being alone materially (externally). I can be in a crowded room and still feel alone. I am talking about accepting the truth about oneself. I am the hardest person to live with. Because of my brokenness and depravity, I reject myself through the accumulation of things and addiction to things.


Addictions are an excellent revelation of this point. Christians are told to never smoke pot, drink alcohol or look at pornography. Each is plausible because our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and it is to be pure as our Heavenly Father is pure. But the Christian determines what is pure, not the God of himself. Christians will speak out and be adamant against addictions of pot, alcohol and sex, only to revert to their pot of coffee or soda-pop endlessly. The “good” Christian can be addicted to theological books, study of the Bible and the memorization of God’s word and not realize it is the process or practice that they love, not the God of the words. The “good” Christian cannot stop watching football, eating good meals, but considers himself as “pure” because he is not a homosexual, a drunkard or divorced. The Christian switches addictions materially because he wants to be changed, materially. Culture, practice and others tell him the Christian is to be different materially, so he focuses on the material forgetting the material is moved by the immaterial. The Christian becomes his greatest enemy because he cannot love his closest neighbor—himself.

The Christian soon discovers that is it “himself” that is the hardest person to love apart from Christ. It is difficult to comprehend this in a society that is completely selfish. The self-help books and individuality of this culture reeks of self-centeredness in which “I” am the greatest being that has lived. “I” is worship and defended to no end so that it may never taste death. Why is that? The world, as well as the modern Christian, consumes life with “me” in an arduous journey to find confidence. Overspending, overeating, over-working-out and plastic surgery do not exist because we love ourselves. It is because we cannot love ourselves to begin with. Addictions do not begin with lack of discipline. Addictions begin with the absence of receiving love. The love could be there, but the addict cannot receive it. The addict does not want to receive it even-though it is the very thing that will save them.

This “Self Enemy” is evident in my external life as well. In pondering my “greatest external enemies” past, present and future, it was difficult to find a common thread. Some enemies were and are down-right mean. They did or do not like me and put me down constantly. Words were the sharpest weapon to use and my “greatest external enemy” knew and knows how to use them frequently. Yet, there was even a deeper difference between a plain enemy and a great enemy. The hair on the back of my neck would, and still does, rise at the presence of a great enemy, not a plain enemy. The presence of the person evokes emotion, bitterness and anger. This presence reveals something greater that is happening than just mere words, actions or external “things.” It is deeper in me. My “greatest external enemies” were and are people who have the same “thorn” in their side as I. My “greatest external enemies” expressed the same depravity as did or do I and I hated seeing it. My “greatest external enemies” reflects my depravity in the brightest way, and because I am at war with myself, I cannot stand it. I must fight back and so I create an enemy outside of myself…